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Controlling Fear

Part 1

7/5/05 10:40 pm

Moving today tomorrow, so this is a bit of a hurried goodbye. I'm going to miss being able to update this whenever I want. Hopefully I'll be able to relay messages of fun being had in Dorset. See ya

7/5/05 11:36 am

HereCollapse )
are a few photos of some of you guys posing for the graduation photograph. I apologise for the quality of some of them; but they were taken on my completely manual SLR.

6/30/05 08:36 pm

It seems that I can still use the broadband, even though our phone line is off. So I'll be using it for a couple more days; taking up valuable time I should be using for packing.

My money situation has improved vastly over the last few days, so much in fact that I was able to go a little over the top at the HMV sale yesterday. I bought: Johnny Cash-The Legendary Sun Recordings, Big Boi & Dre Present...Outkast, UNKLE-Psyence Fiction, Lou Reed-Perfect Day, Pulp-Different Class, The La's-s/t, Mr Scruff-Keep It Unreal, Bob Marley-Soul Rebel + Talkin' Blues, PJ Harvey-4 Track Demos + Rid Of Me and The Clash-Combat Rock, plus Shogun Assassin and Ghost Dog on DVD. That's a whole lot of fun for £62.

Right, back to packing...

6/28/05 08:26 pm

Internet will be off soon. Hopefully it won't be too long before I post here again.

6/26/05 09:52 pm

I've taken a break from the mammoth task of cleaning our house to bring you a few pictures, taken with my crappy phone camera:
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Ahhh...revenge (while pitiful) is sweet. I didn't just do that out of spite; I need to fit it in the recycling bin.

In other news, our phone line is being disconnected at 12:01am Tuesday morning apparently, so no more posts for a while. I'm going home to Dorset on Wed 6th July and unfortunately I don't have an internet connection there. Posts will therefore be limited to when I go to the library. I'll try to go once a week or so, but it won't be quite the same. I'm sure I'll post again before I leave.

6/23/05 09:57 pm

Mystical experience is
chemicals in brains.
God is dogshit on your shoe.
What's so wonderful about living ?
Nothing that we're told is true.
- Hymn to Diogenes

I couldn't sum it up any better if I tried! I've been reading this page on Diogenes and the things he was saying before his death in around 320BC are still applicable today (mostly!). Finally a philosopher who hasn't baffled me.

6/22/05 04:48 am

So I got at 2.2 for my degree (52% exactly). I'd obviously had higher expectations than this 2 1/2 years ago, but I'm happy with it, partly because I thought I was closer to a 3.1 than that and was scared I might stray over the grade boundary. Also I really couldn't give a flying fuck due to the horrible marking system they use on Fine Art.

Basically it comes down to having done a certain number of hours work per module, which seems fair at first. But how are they really going to know how long something took you to make? Sure, they're part-time professional artists but that doesn't make them pyschic.

I'm feeling a lot calmer about the whole moving-out malarkey now; it's only a temporary setback. It's not worth worrying about one summer of hard work; although it will be ever so slightly shite. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to finally get all the dates sorted and be able to concentrate on packing and spending time with the few friends that are in this neck of the woods.

The weather has been great over the last few days, but I find it really difficult to sleep when it's about 20 centigrade outside. It has messed with my sleep pattern quite drastically, I'm sat here at 5am typing this. I'm not going to sleep, so that when tomorrow night comes I will need it so badly it won't matter what the temperature is. I'll have to get up much earlier than I'd like, but in 2 days time I should stop being quite so nocturnal.

6/18/05 01:44 am

One day soon I may actually have to think about being organised. I just seem to have this strange inability to sort out important things before it's too late.

This new 'thing' is a biggy. I haven't sorted out where i'm living after my lease runs out here in 8 days. I can extend the lease for a week or two, but I'm skint and I don't get paid till the 1st July. I want to stay around here and work full-time for the summer then move to London and get a job for a year or so.

I think (pretty much know) I'm going to have to move back in with my mother and sister. Don't get me wrong, I like my family, but having to spend more than a week with them at once drives me crazy. Even this option is going to be a headache. I'd have to get my mum to send me some money to extend the lease so that I can hand in my notice at work and work for a couple more weeks.

Then there's getting home. My car has started drinking a ridiculous amount of fuel at the moment and I can't figure out why. I normally spend about £5 a week on diesel, but recently it's jumped to around £15 so I've had to cut down on the number of trips I make. That would make the trip home cost a hell of a lot more and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have make a couple of trips because my stuff is unlikely to fit.

I thought that typing this out would help me see what I need to do, but I knew all along. I just didn't want to believe that I would have to go back to Bridport. I'm going to have to get a job in a supermarket for the summer, then try and have a go at living in London after I've saved up enough money.

It's at times like this that I'd rather get in my car and drive off a cliff.

6/16/05 04:41 pm


5/16/05 06:25 pm

Hello monkey-touchers! I can't be bothered to update properly because I've typed a long entry only for it to be deleted. I'm feeling good and that's all that matters to me at the moment, because I have effectively finished my degree.

I have put Refused's album The Shape of Punk to Come (a Chimerical Bombination in 12 Bursts) on YouSendIt.com for you to download here. It is the best album I've found in a long time and I thought I'd share it with you. Even if you don't really like heavy music I'm willing to bet you'll like at least a couple of tracks off this.
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